Wednesday, 26 August 2009

A Bit About Me

Here goes...

I was born in Newcastle in 1976 and it will come as no suprise to some of you, that it was on 1st April!

I lived in Newcastle until my parents divorced when i was 2, then moved to Gateshead with my mam. I can't say i had a particularly happy childhood as my mam always seemed quite bitter towards my dad for leaving - and this anxiety was taken out on me from the constant yelling to the throwing of cups, plates, ornaments, you name it!

From a very early age i learned never to say what i felt, just to bottle everything up, and to be honest, i'm still pretty much the same today - i'd rather tie myself up in knots than admit somethings wrong!

The thing about having a bad childhood is that you learn how "not" to bring up your own kids...don't get me wrong, i had all the latest gadgets etc, but there is no compensation for love and a cuddle.

My life has been a constant battle with myself...i tried several times to end it all from taking pills, to slashing my wrists and from the age of 12 till around 15, i self harmed. I found this a good way of getting rid of some of the anxiety i felt...the need to be loved and wanted!

At the age of 17, i met my current partner and although a bit cliche, it was love at first sight. We just seemed to click and by the time i was 18, we were living together in a small 1 bedroom flat and expecting our first child.

My daughter was born in October 1994 and she was (and still is) absolutely adored. Weighing in at 6lb 12oz she was like a little doll. From around 6 weeks old, she slept right through the night, and was never any trouble......we moved into our first house in the December of the same year.

By my 21st, I was expecting our second child....another girl. Born in May 1997, weighing 5lb 11oz was my little "porcelein doll" (as she was nicknamed!). She was a totally different kettle of fish compared to my eldest...she NEVER slept and refused to go to anyone but me - she was such hard work, but totally worth the effort!

I can't say that life is easy, because it's not, it's a daily uphill struggle. I don't speak to my mam or her side of the family any more - we came to blows a few years ago, and i told her a few home truths which she didn't appreciate! Since then, i have to say my life has been a little easier - no one questioning me or judging me.

Well, that's all you're getting to know for now....anything else you want to know, just ask...i don't bite (not hard anyway!) x


  1. Thank you for being so honest, hun, makes me feel like I'm not the only one to have gone through similar things. Welcome to the world of blogging xxx

  2. I'm glad that things are happier for you now, as they always say you have to go through the rough to get to the smooth. Not sure why though! But it does give us all something to learn from.

    You are your own person and that's what people love about you, that you are "you".

    Great blog x x x

  3. thanks ever so much hun...things are certainly on the up!

  4. so nice to read such an honest blog. hard times are sent to try us if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger, hard times make the good times sooo much better. your girls sound adorable and you sound like you have come out of all your problems as a well rounded loving mum and wife. i'd like to wish you every success with your blog and look forward to reading it xxxx


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