A Bit About Me

Here goes...

I was born in Newcastle in 1976 and it will come as no suprise to some of you, that it was on 1st April!

I lived in Newcastle until my parents divorced when i was 2, then moved to Gateshead with my mam. I can't say i had a particularly happy childhood as my mam always seemed quite bitter towards my dad for leaving - and this anxiety was taken out on me from the constant yelling to the throwing of cups, plates, ornaments, you name it!

From a very early age i learned never to say what i felt, just to bottle everything up, and to be honest, i'm still pretty much the same today - i'd rather tie myself up in knots than admit somethings wrong!

The thing about having a bad childhood is that you learn how "not" to bring up your own kids...don't get me wrong, i had all the latest gadgets etc, but there is no compensation for love and a cuddle.

My life has been a constant battle with myself...i tried several times to end it all from taking pills, to slashing my wrists and from the age of 12 till around 15, i self harmed. I found this a good way of getting rid of some of the anxiety i felt...the need to be loved and wanted!

At the age of 17, i met my current partner and although a bit cliche, it was love at first sight. We just seemed to click and by the time i was 18, we were living together in a small 1 bedroom flat and expecting our first child.

My daughter was born in October 1994 and she was (and still is) absolutely adored. Weighing in at 6lb 12oz she was like a little doll. From around 6 weeks old, she slept right through the night, and was never any trouble......we moved into our first house in the December of the same year.

By my 21st, I was expecting our second child....another girl. Born in May 1997, weighing 5lb 11oz was my little "porcelein doll" (as she was nicknamed!). She was a totally different kettle of fish compared to my eldest...she NEVER slept and refused to go to anyone but me - she was such hard work, but totally worth the effort!

I can't say that life is easy, because it's not, it's a daily uphill struggle. I don't speak to my mam or her side of the family any more - we came to blows a few years ago, and i told her a few home truths which she didn't appreciate! Since then, i have to say my life has been a little easier - no one questioning me or judging me.

Well, that's all you're getting to know for now....anything else you want to know, just ask...i don't bite (not hard anyway!) x