Well hello again....hope I haven't bored you all to death with these updates so far and thanks for sticking around!
Week 3 is here already and it has to be one of my worst. Money worries are still getting to me, although i'm trying to sort through everything 1 at a time. The feelings I have towards myself this week aren't good though. My mistake is that flippin mirror....why do I insist on glancing in it before I go out??? I'm feeling so run down at the minute, my skin has taken a turn for the worse. I have blotches which I can't cover, an outbreak of spots (thought i'd passed those once I left my teens!) and my skin is extremely dry. All this is giving me a major complex, THEN my other half mentions that I have bags under my eyes....for crying out loud, is there any part of my face that's passable!! lol
I'm trying so hard to crack a smile here, i'm just scared in case my face cracks a little more and these wrinkles outgrow my face!
Advice welcome here please......I used John Frieda Foam hair dye on my hair and it went really dark with a lovely red tint (i'm naturally light brown), problem is, I can't afford hairdressers and my roots are terrible. To top it off, I no longer like the red in my hair. Does anyone know of a hair dye which I can use over this one to get rid of the red but that won't turn my hair green or anything? Just thought i'd throw that in as my hair is really getting on my wick at the minute too so any help is most appreciated!
Well, I managed a half smile while writing this.....wonder if that means it's working. Thanks again for reading and any comments are welcome (especially if you can help with my hair prob!).
Showing posts with label Sassys therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sassys therapy. Show all posts
Wednesday, 16 February 2011
Thursday, 3 February 2011
Sassys Self Therapy...
Well, I know i'm a day late with this too but I kind of bottled it yesterday....sorry!!
I'll fill you in on a little background about me so you get a better understanding of where i'm coming from and why I feel the way I do.
As some of you may already know, my parents divorced when I was 2 and I lived with my mam, but visited my dad on weekends. I have always been blamed by my mam for the breakup of their marriage....even today!
Since I appeared to be the one to blame, my mam made my life a misery. Don't get me wrong, there were good times when I had a laugh and giggle with her and I always had material things, but she was a modern day equivalent of Jekyll and Hyde. The slightest thing could spark her off like leaving a door open or heaven forbid, disagreeing with her! This made life pretty difficult for me and I learnt from a young age how to tread on eggshells. Unfortunately, I still tread on eggshells with everyone rather than say how I really feel.....including my kids and partner.
Anyone who knows me, will say i'm confident, outgoing, sociable, friendly and considerate.......but they don't REALLY know me!
For as long as I can remember, i've been told i'm useless, worthless, stupid, disappointing, ugly and too skinny....which is probably why I find it so hard to believe otherwise.
My other half constantly tells me i'm gorgeous and he loves me just as much as he did when we first met 17 years ago, but I always feel he's only telling me what he 'thinks' I want to hear, rather than the truth....after all, who would want someone like me???
I appreciate that many men and women feel exactly like I do, it all depends on how each individual chooses to deal with it.....and that's where i'm struggling.
I avoid mirrors as much as possible as I hate the way I look, this is why you'll never see a picture of myself on here...especially close up! Don't get me wrong, I have tried. I've taken pics after applying creams/foundations etc, ready to blog about, but can never quite bring myself to post them! My eyes are about as much as you're getting (for now at least) and I even shudder at those.
I looked at my body a few weeks ago and cried for hours......why can't I just be happy with me??
For some reason, I can't overlook everything my mam drummed into me whilst growing up and I feel that it's ruining my life now! My relationship is hard work....mainly on my partners side, as he's always having to reassure me, and that's not how I want things to be. I find it really difficult to make decisions too which causes problems. I'm so used to having options and choosing the 'wrong' one that i'd rather pass any decision making on to someone else....usually my partner!
Blimey, I must be pretty hard to live with after reading back through this but he's hung around for 17 years so I guess alot of it's in my head.
I'm now taking one day at a time and writing weekly updates on here.....hopefully it will help! I also hope that it may help anyone else stuck in similar circumstances to know that they're not alone.
Please feel free to leave any comments/advice/criticism/questions I appreciate others' opinions too. Well, i'll leave it at that for now, but i'll be back next week with a new update and hopefully a smile. xx
I'll fill you in on a little background about me so you get a better understanding of where i'm coming from and why I feel the way I do.
As some of you may already know, my parents divorced when I was 2 and I lived with my mam, but visited my dad on weekends. I have always been blamed by my mam for the breakup of their marriage....even today!
Since I appeared to be the one to blame, my mam made my life a misery. Don't get me wrong, there were good times when I had a laugh and giggle with her and I always had material things, but she was a modern day equivalent of Jekyll and Hyde. The slightest thing could spark her off like leaving a door open or heaven forbid, disagreeing with her! This made life pretty difficult for me and I learnt from a young age how to tread on eggshells. Unfortunately, I still tread on eggshells with everyone rather than say how I really feel.....including my kids and partner.
Anyone who knows me, will say i'm confident, outgoing, sociable, friendly and considerate.......but they don't REALLY know me!
For as long as I can remember, i've been told i'm useless, worthless, stupid, disappointing, ugly and too skinny....which is probably why I find it so hard to believe otherwise.
My other half constantly tells me i'm gorgeous and he loves me just as much as he did when we first met 17 years ago, but I always feel he's only telling me what he 'thinks' I want to hear, rather than the truth....after all, who would want someone like me???
I appreciate that many men and women feel exactly like I do, it all depends on how each individual chooses to deal with it.....and that's where i'm struggling.
I avoid mirrors as much as possible as I hate the way I look, this is why you'll never see a picture of myself on here...especially close up! Don't get me wrong, I have tried. I've taken pics after applying creams/foundations etc, ready to blog about, but can never quite bring myself to post them! My eyes are about as much as you're getting (for now at least) and I even shudder at those.
I looked at my body a few weeks ago and cried for hours......why can't I just be happy with me??
For some reason, I can't overlook everything my mam drummed into me whilst growing up and I feel that it's ruining my life now! My relationship is hard work....mainly on my partners side, as he's always having to reassure me, and that's not how I want things to be. I find it really difficult to make decisions too which causes problems. I'm so used to having options and choosing the 'wrong' one that i'd rather pass any decision making on to someone else....usually my partner!
Blimey, I must be pretty hard to live with after reading back through this but he's hung around for 17 years so I guess alot of it's in my head.
I'm now taking one day at a time and writing weekly updates on here.....hopefully it will help! I also hope that it may help anyone else stuck in similar circumstances to know that they're not alone.
Please feel free to leave any comments/advice/criticism/questions I appreciate others' opinions too. Well, i'll leave it at that for now, but i'll be back next week with a new update and hopefully a smile. xx
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